Character Sheet: Xeon Echo

General Information

Full Name: Xeon K. Echo
Age: 24
Gender: Woman (mtf)
Occupation: Freelance, multi purpose
Education: Self educated in most modern and legacy systems, formally educated at the high school level and certified in various technical disciplines
Residence: ty
Notable Traits: Intelligent, reserved, highly self-critical, deeply analytical
Philosophy: Life is a system, but I am the bug in the code.

Psychological Profile

Core Conflict:

Trapped in a self-destructive cycle of validation, failure, and self-hatred.
Terrified of becoming arrogant again, but also crippled by self-loathing.
Mislabels their struggles as narcissism, reinforcing their isolation.
Believes success means nothing, but failure means everything.
Knows they need change, but believes they are incapable of real growth.

Personality:

Trait	Description
Intellect	High\u2014analyzes everything in terms of logical systems
Emotional Processing	Repressed\u2014deflects positive reinforcement, internalizes failure
Social Skills	Outwardly composed, internally disconnected
Self-Perception	Defined by past mistakes but misunderstands their own psychology
Response to Praise	Shrugs it off, doesn\u2019t register it internally
Response to Failure	Catastrophic\u2014each mistake is proof of total inadequacy
Core Fear	What if I can never change? What if I\u2019m still that person, just hiding behind guilt?

The Cycle of Self-Destruction:

Success doesn\u2019t matter \u2192 No satisfaction or self-worth gained.
Failure is proof of worthlessness \u2192 Leads to self-hatred and avoidance.
Avoids risks to prevent failure \u2192 Ensures stagnation.
Pushes away support because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it.
Craves validation but rejects it \u2192 Even when they get it, they feel like a fraud.

Stigmatization & Mislabeling:

Believes they are a narcissist, but they aren\u2019t.
- They over-analyze their every action\u2014true narcissists don\u2019t do this.
- They feel deep guilt about their past\u2014true narcissists rationalize harm, not obsess over it.
- They are punishing themselves based on a false assumption.
They think self-hatred is accountability, but it only fuels more mistakes.
They don't need to be "fixed"\u2014they need to understand themselves.
The real problem is the cycle, not who they are as a person.

Background

Early Life:

Naturally gifted, aced every class from K-9th grade.
Praised constantly, feeding an early ego-driven self-image.
In 10th-12th grade, only had two B\u2019s, but they felt like personal failures.
Once asked: "Why do the other kids call me dumb when I'm smart?"
- Now, they scoff at the thought, embarrassed by their past arrogance.

Defining Mistakes:

Online recklessness: Posted things they now regret, but details are fuzzy.
Belittled others due to their intelligence, assuming they were \u201cjust being honest.\u201d
Realized they hurt someone. A moment where they saw, maybe for the first time, that they weren\u2019t just playing a role.
Memory repression kicks in\u2014they can\u2019t fully remember how or why.
Now, every compliment about their intelligence reminds them of that past self.

Behavioral Traits

How They Present Themselves:

\u2705 Calm, composed, and competent.
\u2705 Respected for their intelligence.
\u2705 Seems like they \u201chave it together.\u201d
\u274c Internally hollow\u2014success is meaningless.
\u274c Avoids deep conversations about themselves.
\u274c Never openly expresses frustration, only anger in private outbursts.

Key Coping Mechanisms:

Intellectualizes emotions\u2014treats feelings like system errors.
Uses dry, dismissive humor to deflect genuine concern.
Pushes away kindness because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it.
Avoids reminiscing\u2014memories are fragmented, distorted, and painful.

Thematic Symbolism

Flies & Bugs: Wonders if flies know they\u2019re a nuisance but can\u2019t help it\u2014just like them.
Hammers & Tools: Desperately wants to be useful because they see no worth outside of function.
Code & Errors: Views the world as a Turing-complete system but believes they are a corrupted file that can\u2019t be patched.
Mirrors & Reflection: Struggles with self-perception\u2014can\u2019t trust their past self, can\u2019t trust their present thoughts.

Key Questions for Development

Can they ever break free of the cycle?
What moment forces them to challenge their self-perception?
What happens when they fail in a way they can\u2019t ignore, but also can\u2019t catastrophize?
If they could see themselves as a child, what would they say to them?
What would happen if someone saw through their composed exterior and truly confronted them?
What happens when they meet someone else who truly is narcissistic?

Character Arc Possibilities

Redemption? They learn to forgive themselves\u2014not to excuse the past, but to move forward.
Destruction? They lean further into self-sabotage, unable to break the cycle.
Breaking the Binary? They realize self-worth isn\u2019t about hating or loving themselves, but accepting imperfection.
Breaking the Stigma? They finally recognize that self-hatred is not self-improvement.

Final Thought

"If I keep treating myself like a monster, I\u2019ll never stop acting like one."

5.7 KiB Raw Blame History