117 lines
5.7 KiB
Markdown
117 lines
5.7 KiB
Markdown
# Character Sheet: Xeon Echo
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## General Information
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- **Full Name:** Xeon K. Echo
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- **Age:** 24
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- **Gender:** [TBD]
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- **Occupation:** Freelance, multi purpose. "Cash is cash, if I don't turn it down it's a good job"
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- **Education:** Self educated in most modern and legacy systems, formally educated at the high school level and certified in various technical disciplines
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- **Residence:** [TBD]
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- **Notable Traits:** Intelligent, reserved, highly self-critical, deeply analytical
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- **Philosophy:** Life is a system, I must be a system too.
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---
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## Psychological Profile
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### Core Conflict:
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- **Trapped in a self-destructive cycle** of validation, failure, and self-hatred.
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- **Terrified of becoming arrogant again,** but also crippled by self-loathing.
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- **Mislabels their struggles as narcissism,** reinforcing their isolation.
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- **Believes success means nothing,** but failure means **everything.**
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- **Knows they need change,** but believes they are incapable of real growth.
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### Personality:
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| Trait | Description |
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|------|-------------|
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| **Intellect** | High\u2014analyzes everything in terms of logical systems |
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| **Emotional Processing** | Repressed\u2014deflects positive reinforcement, internalizes failure |
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| **Social Skills** | Outwardly composed, internally disconnected |
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| **Self-Perception** | Defined by past mistakes but **misunderstands their own psychology** |
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| **Response to Praise** | Shrugs it off, doesn\u2019t register it internally |
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| **Response to Failure** | Catastrophic\u2014each mistake is proof of total inadequacy |
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| **Core Fear** | *What if I can never change? What if I\u2019m still that person, just hiding behind guilt?* |
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---
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## The Cycle of Self-Destruction:
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1. **Success doesn\u2019t matter** \u2192 No satisfaction or self-worth gained.
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2. **Failure is proof of worthlessness** \u2192 Leads to self-hatred and avoidance.
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3. **Avoids risks** to prevent failure \u2192 Ensures stagnation.
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4. **Pushes away support** because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it.
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5. **Craves validation but rejects it** \u2192 Even when they get it, they feel like a fraud.
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---
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## Stigmatization & Mislabeling:
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- **Believes they are a narcissist, but they aren\u2019t.**
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- They **over-analyze** their every action\u2014true narcissists don\u2019t do this.
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- They feel **deep guilt** about their past\u2014true narcissists rationalize harm, not obsess over it.
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- They are punishing themselves based on **a false assumption.**
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- **They think self-hatred is accountability,** but it only fuels more mistakes.
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- **They don't need to be "fixed"\u2014they need to understand themselves.**
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- **The real problem is the cycle, not who they are as a person.**
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---
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## Background
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### Early Life:
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- Naturally gifted, aced every class from K-9th grade.
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- Praised constantly, feeding an early **ego-driven** self-image.
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- In 10th-12th grade, only had **two B\u2019s,** but they felt like **personal failures.**
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- Once asked: *"Why do the other kids call me dumb when I'm smart?"*
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- Now, they **scoff at the thought,** embarrassed by their past arrogance.
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### Defining Mistakes:
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- **Online recklessness:** Posted things they now regret, but details are **fuzzy.**
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- **Belittled others due to their intelligence,** assuming they were \u201cjust being honest.\u201d
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- **Realized they hurt someone.** A moment where they saw, maybe for the first time, that they weren\u2019t just playing a role.
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- **Memory repression kicks in**\u2014they can\u2019t fully remember how or why.
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- **Now, every compliment about their intelligence reminds them of that past self.**
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---
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## Behavioral Traits
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### How They Present Themselves:
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\u2705 **Calm, composed, and competent.**
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\u2705 **Respected for their intelligence.**
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\u2705 **Seems like they \u201chave it together.\u201d**
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\u274c **Internally hollow\u2014success is meaningless.**
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\u274c **Avoids deep conversations about themselves.**
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\u274c **Never openly expresses frustration, only anger in private outbursts.**
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### Key Coping Mechanisms:
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- **Intellectualizes emotions**\u2014treats feelings like system errors.
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- **Uses dry, dismissive humor** to deflect genuine concern.
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- **Pushes away kindness** because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it.
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- **Avoids reminiscing**\u2014memories are fragmented, distorted, and painful.
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---
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## Thematic Symbolism
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- **Flies & Bugs:** Wonders if flies know they\u2019re a nuisance but can\u2019t help it\u2014just like them.
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- **Hammers & Tools:** Desperately wants to be *useful* because they see no worth outside of function.
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- **Code & Errors:** Views the world as a **Turing-complete system** and believes they must be too, ignoring the bigger picture.
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- **Mirrors & Reflection:** Struggles with self-perception\u2014**can\u2019t trust their past self, can\u2019t trust their present thoughts.**
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---
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## Key Questions for Development
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1. **Can they ever break free of the cycle?**
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2. **What moment forces them to challenge their self-perception?**
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3. **What happens when they fail in a way they can\u2019t ignore, but also can\u2019t catastrophize?**
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4. **If they could see themselves as a child, what would they say to them?**
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5. **What would happen if someone saw through their composed exterior and truly confronted them?**
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6. **What happens when they meet someone else who truly is narcissistic?**
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---
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## Character Arc Possibilities
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- **Redemption?** They learn to forgive themselves\u2014not to excuse the past, but to move forward.
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- **Destruction?** They lean further into self-sabotage, unable to break the cycle.
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- **Breaking the Binary?** They realize self-worth isn\u2019t about hating or loving themselves, but accepting imperfection.
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- **Breaking the Stigma?** They finally recognize that self-hatred is not self-improvement.
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---
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### **Final Thought**
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*"If I keep treating myself like a monster, I\u2019ll never stop acting like one."*
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