From 8fc83d7c684b4b9079f9417200a1d7cf93eecf1e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: firebadnofire Date: Sun, 16 Mar 2025 23:58:50 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] commit --- characters/char.md | 180 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------- 1 file changed, 104 insertions(+), 76 deletions(-) diff --git a/characters/char.md b/characters/char.md index f422f77..15b9164 100644 --- a/characters/char.md +++ b/characters/char.md @@ -1,106 +1,134 @@ -# Character Sheet: [Insert Name Here] +# **Character Sheet: [Insert Name Here]** -## General Information -- **Full Name:** [Insert Name] -- **Age:** [Insert Age] -- **Gender:** [Insert Gender] -- **Occupation:** [Insert Job or Role] -- **Education:** [Insert Education Level] -- **Residence:** [Insert Location] -- **Notable Traits:** Intelligent, reserved, highly self-critical, deeply analytical -- **Philosophy:** Life is a system, but I am the bug in the code. +## **General Information** +- **Full Name:** [Insert Name] +- **Age:** [Insert Age] +- **Gender:** [Insert Gender] +- **Occupation:** [Insert Job or Role] +- **Education:** [Insert Education Level] +- **Residence:** [Insert Location] +- **Notable Traits:** Intelligent, bitterly self-aware, emotionally repressed, prone to intellectualization +- **Philosophy:** *"The past doesn’t define me. It just refuses to leave me alone."* --- -## Psychological Profile -### Core Conflict: -- Trapped in a **self-destructive cycle** of validation, failure, and self-hatred. -- Fears being the arrogant person they once were but **hates** the paralysis of self-loathing. -- Believes **success means nothing**, but failure means **everything**. -- Struggles with **catastrophizing only after failure**, reinforcing the cycle. +## **Psychological Profile** +### **Core Conflict:** +- **Trapped in a loop of self-awareness and self-sabotage.** +- **Knows he should change, but fears he never really has.** +- Believes **failure defines him,** but can’t decide if trying to improve is a **lie or a genuine effort.** +- **Despises his younger self** but knows that kid is still inside him. +- The worst realization? **He can still become him again.** -### Personality: +### **Personality Breakdown:** | Trait | Description | |------|-------------| -| **Intellect** | High—analyzes everything in terms of logical systems | -| **Emotional Processing** | Repressed—deflects positive reinforcement, internalizes failure | -| **Social Skills** | Outwardly composed, internally disconnected | -| **Self-Perception** | Defined by past mistakes but **can’t even remember them clearly** | -| **Response to Praise** | Shrugs it off, doesn’t register it internally | -| **Response to Failure** | Catastrophic—each mistake is proof of total inadequacy | +| **Intellect** | Sharp, cynical, used more for self-defense than curiosity. | +| **Emotional Processing** | Stunted—sees feelings as things to suppress or dissect. | +| **Social Skills** | Outwardly composed, but distant—only engages when necessary. | +| **Self-Perception** | A battle between who he wants to be and who he fears he still is. | +| **Response to Praise** | Shrugs it off, doesn’t register it internally. | +| **Response to Failure** | Either spirals into self-loathing or deflects with sarcasm. | -### Key Psychological Loops: -1. **Success doesn’t matter** → No satisfaction or self-worth gained. -2. **Failure is proof of worthlessness** → Leads to self-hatred and avoidance. -3. **Avoids risks** to prevent failure → Ensures stagnation. -4. **Pushes away support** because they believe they don’t deserve it. -5. **Yet still craves validation** → But when they receive it, they reject it. +### **Key Psychological Loops:** +1. **I want to change.** → *But if I could, wouldn’t I have done it already?* +2. **I am not my younger self.** → *Then why do I still act like him?* +3. **I hate who I was.** → *But that kid was convinced he was right. What if I’m just as wrong now?* +4. **People think I’ve matured.** → *They have no idea how much I’m still faking it.* -### Core Fear: -- *What if I can never change? What if I’m still that person, just hiding behind guilt?* +### **Core Fear:** +- *What if I’ve just been suppressing the worst parts of me instead of fixing them?* +- *What if I snap? What if I already did?* --- -## Background -### Early Life: -- Naturally gifted, aced every class from K-9th grade. -- Praised constantly, feeding an early **ego-driven** self-image. -- In 10th-12th grade, only had **two B’s**, but they felt like **personal failures**. -- Had an entitled, naive confidence in their intelligence. +## **Relationship With His Past Self** +### **How He Sees His Younger Self:** +✅ Arrogant, reckless, obnoxious. +✅ A child who mistook cruelty for intelligence. +✅ A kid who thought he was right—**and that’s the most terrifying part.** -### Defining Mistakes: -- **Online recklessness**: Posted things they now regret, but details are **fuzzy**. -- **Belittled others** due to their intelligence, thinking they were just "being honest." -- Had a moment of realization—**someone got hurt because of them.** -- **Memory repression kicks in**—they can’t fully remember how or why. -- Now, **every compliment** about their intelligence reminds them of that past self. +### **How His Younger Self Would See Him:** +❌ Weak, diluted, afraid to speak his mind. +❌ Someone who sold out and “got soft.” +❌ A version of himself that wasted his potential. -### Key Memory: -- Once asked: *"Why do the other kids call me dumb when I'm smart?"* -- Now, they scoff at the thought, ashamed of their younger self’s arrogance. +### **What They Can’t Admit About Each Other:** +- **Younger Self** doesn’t realize **how much he needed to lose to grow.** +- **Modern Self** doesn’t want to admit **he still has that anger inside him.** +- **They are not separate people. They never were.** --- -## Behavioral Traits -### How They Present Themselves: -✅ **Calm, composed, and competent.** -✅ **Respected for their intelligence.** -✅ **Seems like they “have it together.”** -❌ **Internally hollow—success is meaningless.** -❌ **Avoids deep conversations about themselves.** -❌ **Never openly expresses frustration, only anger in private outbursts.** +## **Background & Defining Moments** +### **Early Life:** +- **Naturally intelligent but never challenged.** Teachers praised him, parents called him a genius, classmates envied his effortless grades. +- **Praised constantly** but never meaningfully tested. +- **Adopted a superiority complex**—believed he was different, smarter, above it all. -### Key Coping Mechanisms: -- Intellectualizes emotions—treats feelings like system errors. -- Uses dry, dismissive humor to deflect genuine concern. -- Pushes away kindness because they believe they don’t deserve it. -- Avoids reminiscing—memories are fragmented, distorted, and painful. +### **The Collapse:** +- **First true failure?** He took it *personally*. +- **When he got called out, he doubled down.** +- **One particular mistake haunts him:** + - **An online forum post, brutal and ignorant.** + - **Mocking a group of people he didn’t understand.** + - **Irony? He later realized he belonged to that group himself.** +- **He was too self-righteous to apologize.** +- But **somewhere deep down, he knew.** + +### **What Happened After?** +- **Self-awareness set in.** It didn’t humble him—it hollowed him out. +- **Instead of growing, he just learned to hate himself.** +- **He convinced himself he had changed,** but really, he had just buried his younger self under layers of sarcasm and guilt. --- -## Thematic Symbolism -- **Flies & Bugs:** Wonders if flies know they’re a nuisance but can’t help it—just like them. -- **Hammers & Tools:** Desperately wants to be *useful* because they see no worth outside of function. -- **Code & Errors:** Views the world as a **Turing-complete system** but believes they are a **corrupted file** that can’t be patched. -- **Mirrors & Reflection:** Struggles with self-perception—**can’t trust their past self, can’t trust their present thoughts.** +## **Behavioral Traits** +### **How He Presents Himself vs. How He Really Feels:** +✅ **Calm, sarcastic, “mature.”** +✅ **Appears composed, seems like he “outgrew” his past.** +✅ **Avoids conflict, plays the role of the disaffected intellectual.** +❌ **Still has the same impulses—just represses them harder.** +❌ **Deep-seated bitterness, especially toward his past self.** +❌ **Every argument feels like a test he can’t afford to fail.** + +### **Key Coping Mechanisms:** +- **Detachment**—turns everything into a joke before it can hurt him. +- **Intellectualizing emotions**—treats feelings like a debate he needs to “win.” +- **Avoidance**—buried his past instead of confronting it. +- **Self-sabotage**—subtly pushes people away before they can get too close. --- -## Key Questions for Development -1. **Can they ever break free of the cycle?** -2. **What moment forces them to challenge their self-perception?** -3. **What happens when they fail in a way they can’t ignore, but also can’t catastrophize?** -4. **If they could see themselves as a child, what would they say to them?** -5. **What would happen if someone saw through their composed exterior and truly confronted them?** +## **Symbolism & Recurring Motifs** +### **Flies & Bugs** +- Wonders if flies know they’re a nuisance but can’t help it—**just like him.** +- Sees himself as something **intrinsically broken, something people swat away.** + +### **Mirrors & Reflections** +- **Avoids looking at himself for too long.** +- **Doesn’t trust his own expression—because he doesn’t know what he sees.** + +### **"Xx_slayer_xX"** +- **The old username—his past self, immortalized in pixels.** +- The past **isn’t gone. It just got archived.** --- -## Character Arc Possibilities -- **Redemption?** They learn to forgive themselves—not to excuse the past, but to move forward. -- **Destruction?** They lean further into self-sabotage, unable to break the cycle. -- **Breaking the Binary?** They realize self-worth isn’t about hating or loving themselves, but accepting imperfection. +## **Character Arc Possibilities** +### **1. The Downward Spiral (Self-Destruction)** +🚨 *He was never "better"—just better at pretending.* +- He keeps suppressing everything until he **snaps.** +- He relapses—embracing his past persona, letting it consume him. +- **Final line?** Logging back in as `Xx_slayer_xX`. + +### **2. The Redemption Arc (Acceptance & Growth)** +🌱 *The past isn’t an enemy. It’s a lesson.* +- He finally **faces himself instead of fighting himself.** +- Learns that **guilt isn’t growth.** +- **Final line?** He sees `Xx_slayer_xX` one last time, and **walks away.** --- -### **Final Thought** -*"I can dissect the world, break it into systems, patterns, logic. But I can’t do the same for myself. I don’t work right. I don’t compute."* +### **Final Thought** +*"I thought I killed him. Turns out, I just locked him in a room. And now, he’s knocking."*