From 64959007439e101e4ff65503b57f57462d6c7440 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: firebadnofire <william@archuser.org> Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2025 23:08:44 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] commit --- characters/char.md | 197 +++++++++++++++++++++------------------------ 1 file changed, 90 insertions(+), 107 deletions(-) diff --git a/characters/char.md b/characters/char.md index 15b9164..c3e6356 100644 --- a/characters/char.md +++ b/characters/char.md @@ -1,134 +1,117 @@ -# **Character Sheet: [Insert Name Here]** +# Character Sheet: Xeon Echo -## **General Information** -- **Full Name:** [Insert Name] -- **Age:** [Insert Age] -- **Gender:** [Insert Gender] -- **Occupation:** [Insert Job or Role] -- **Education:** [Insert Education Level] -- **Residence:** [Insert Location] -- **Notable Traits:** Intelligent, bitterly self-aware, emotionally repressed, prone to intellectualization -- **Philosophy:** *"The past doesn’t define me. It just refuses to leave me alone."* +## General Information +- **Full Name:** Xeon K. Echo +- **Age:** 24 +- **Gender:** Woman (mtf) +- **Occupation:** Freelance, multi purpose +- **Education:** Self educated in most modern and legacy systems, formally educated at the high school level and certified in various technical disciplines +- **Residence:** ty +- **Notable Traits:** Intelligent, reserved, highly self-critical, deeply analytical +- **Philosophy:** Life is a system, but I am the bug in the code. --- -## **Psychological Profile** -### **Core Conflict:** -- **Trapped in a loop of self-awareness and self-sabotage.** -- **Knows he should change, but fears he never really has.** -- Believes **failure defines him,** but can’t decide if trying to improve is a **lie or a genuine effort.** -- **Despises his younger self** but knows that kid is still inside him. -- The worst realization? **He can still become him again.** +## Psychological Profile +### Core Conflict: +- **Trapped in a self-destructive cycle** of validation, failure, and self-hatred. +- **Terrified of becoming arrogant again,** but also crippled by self-loathing. +- **Mislabels their struggles as narcissism,** reinforcing their isolation. +- **Believes success means nothing,** but failure means **everything.** +- **Knows they need change,** but believes they are incapable of real growth. -### **Personality Breakdown:** +### Personality: | Trait | Description | |------|-------------| -| **Intellect** | Sharp, cynical, used more for self-defense than curiosity. | -| **Emotional Processing** | Stunted—sees feelings as things to suppress or dissect. | -| **Social Skills** | Outwardly composed, but distant—only engages when necessary. | -| **Self-Perception** | A battle between who he wants to be and who he fears he still is. | -| **Response to Praise** | Shrugs it off, doesn’t register it internally. | -| **Response to Failure** | Either spirals into self-loathing or deflects with sarcasm. | - -### **Key Psychological Loops:** -1. **I want to change.** → *But if I could, wouldn’t I have done it already?* -2. **I am not my younger self.** → *Then why do I still act like him?* -3. **I hate who I was.** → *But that kid was convinced he was right. What if I’m just as wrong now?* -4. **People think I’ve matured.** → *They have no idea how much I’m still faking it.* - -### **Core Fear:** -- *What if I’ve just been suppressing the worst parts of me instead of fixing them?* -- *What if I snap? What if I already did?* +| **Intellect** | High\u2014analyzes everything in terms of logical systems | +| **Emotional Processing** | Repressed\u2014deflects positive reinforcement, internalizes failure | +| **Social Skills** | Outwardly composed, internally disconnected | +| **Self-Perception** | Defined by past mistakes but **misunderstands their own psychology** | +| **Response to Praise** | Shrugs it off, doesn\u2019t register it internally | +| **Response to Failure** | Catastrophic\u2014each mistake is proof of total inadequacy | +| **Core Fear** | *What if I can never change? What if I\u2019m still that person, just hiding behind guilt?* | --- -## **Relationship With His Past Self** -### **How He Sees His Younger Self:** -✅ Arrogant, reckless, obnoxious. -✅ A child who mistook cruelty for intelligence. -✅ A kid who thought he was right—**and that’s the most terrifying part.** - -### **How His Younger Self Would See Him:** -❌ Weak, diluted, afraid to speak his mind. -❌ Someone who sold out and “got soft.” -❌ A version of himself that wasted his potential. - -### **What They Can’t Admit About Each Other:** -- **Younger Self** doesn’t realize **how much he needed to lose to grow.** -- **Modern Self** doesn’t want to admit **he still has that anger inside him.** -- **They are not separate people. They never were.** +## The Cycle of Self-Destruction: +1. **Success doesn\u2019t matter** \u2192 No satisfaction or self-worth gained. +2. **Failure is proof of worthlessness** \u2192 Leads to self-hatred and avoidance. +3. **Avoids risks** to prevent failure \u2192 Ensures stagnation. +4. **Pushes away support** because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it. +5. **Craves validation but rejects it** \u2192 Even when they get it, they feel like a fraud. --- -## **Background & Defining Moments** -### **Early Life:** -- **Naturally intelligent but never challenged.** Teachers praised him, parents called him a genius, classmates envied his effortless grades. -- **Praised constantly** but never meaningfully tested. -- **Adopted a superiority complex**—believed he was different, smarter, above it all. - -### **The Collapse:** -- **First true failure?** He took it *personally*. -- **When he got called out, he doubled down.** -- **One particular mistake haunts him:** - - **An online forum post, brutal and ignorant.** - - **Mocking a group of people he didn’t understand.** - - **Irony? He later realized he belonged to that group himself.** -- **He was too self-righteous to apologize.** -- But **somewhere deep down, he knew.** - -### **What Happened After?** -- **Self-awareness set in.** It didn’t humble him—it hollowed him out. -- **Instead of growing, he just learned to hate himself.** -- **He convinced himself he had changed,** but really, he had just buried his younger self under layers of sarcasm and guilt. +## Stigmatization & Mislabeling: +- **Believes they are a narcissist, but they aren\u2019t.** + - They **over-analyze** their every action\u2014true narcissists don\u2019t do this. + - They feel **deep guilt** about their past\u2014true narcissists rationalize harm, not obsess over it. + - They are punishing themselves based on **a false assumption.** +- **They think self-hatred is accountability,** but it only fuels more mistakes. +- **They don't need to be "fixed"\u2014they need to understand themselves.** +- **The real problem is the cycle, not who they are as a person.** --- -## **Behavioral Traits** -### **How He Presents Himself vs. How He Really Feels:** -✅ **Calm, sarcastic, “mature.”** -✅ **Appears composed, seems like he “outgrew” his past.** -✅ **Avoids conflict, plays the role of the disaffected intellectual.** -❌ **Still has the same impulses—just represses them harder.** -❌ **Deep-seated bitterness, especially toward his past self.** -❌ **Every argument feels like a test he can’t afford to fail.** +## Background +### Early Life: +- Naturally gifted, aced every class from K-9th grade. +- Praised constantly, feeding an early **ego-driven** self-image. +- In 10th-12th grade, only had **two B\u2019s,** but they felt like **personal failures.** +- Once asked: *"Why do the other kids call me dumb when I'm smart?"* + - Now, they **scoff at the thought,** embarrassed by their past arrogance. -### **Key Coping Mechanisms:** -- **Detachment**—turns everything into a joke before it can hurt him. -- **Intellectualizing emotions**—treats feelings like a debate he needs to “win.” -- **Avoidance**—buried his past instead of confronting it. -- **Self-sabotage**—subtly pushes people away before they can get too close. +### Defining Mistakes: +- **Online recklessness:** Posted things they now regret, but details are **fuzzy.** +- **Belittled others due to their intelligence,** assuming they were \u201cjust being honest.\u201d +- **Realized they hurt someone.** A moment where they saw, maybe for the first time, that they weren\u2019t just playing a role. +- **Memory repression kicks in**\u2014they can\u2019t fully remember how or why. +- **Now, every compliment about their intelligence reminds them of that past self.** --- -## **Symbolism & Recurring Motifs** -### **Flies & Bugs** -- Wonders if flies know they’re a nuisance but can’t help it—**just like him.** -- Sees himself as something **intrinsically broken, something people swat away.** +## Behavioral Traits +### How They Present Themselves: +\u2705 **Calm, composed, and competent.** +\u2705 **Respected for their intelligence.** +\u2705 **Seems like they \u201chave it together.\u201d** +\u274c **Internally hollow\u2014success is meaningless.** +\u274c **Avoids deep conversations about themselves.** +\u274c **Never openly expresses frustration, only anger in private outbursts.** -### **Mirrors & Reflections** -- **Avoids looking at himself for too long.** -- **Doesn’t trust his own expression—because he doesn’t know what he sees.** - -### **"Xx_slayer_xX"** -- **The old username—his past self, immortalized in pixels.** -- The past **isn’t gone. It just got archived.** +### Key Coping Mechanisms: +- **Intellectualizes emotions**\u2014treats feelings like system errors. +- **Uses dry, dismissive humor** to deflect genuine concern. +- **Pushes away kindness** because they believe they don\u2019t deserve it. +- **Avoids reminiscing**\u2014memories are fragmented, distorted, and painful. --- -## **Character Arc Possibilities** -### **1. The Downward Spiral (Self-Destruction)** -🚨 *He was never "better"—just better at pretending.* -- He keeps suppressing everything until he **snaps.** -- He relapses—embracing his past persona, letting it consume him. -- **Final line?** Logging back in as `Xx_slayer_xX`. - -### **2. The Redemption Arc (Acceptance & Growth)** -🌱 *The past isn’t an enemy. It’s a lesson.* -- He finally **faces himself instead of fighting himself.** -- Learns that **guilt isn’t growth.** -- **Final line?** He sees `Xx_slayer_xX` one last time, and **walks away.** +## Thematic Symbolism +- **Flies & Bugs:** Wonders if flies know they\u2019re a nuisance but can\u2019t help it\u2014just like them. +- **Hammers & Tools:** Desperately wants to be *useful* because they see no worth outside of function. +- **Code & Errors:** Views the world as a **Turing-complete system** but believes they are a **corrupted file** that can\u2019t be patched. +- **Mirrors & Reflection:** Struggles with self-perception\u2014**can\u2019t trust their past self, can\u2019t trust their present thoughts.** --- -### **Final Thought** -*"I thought I killed him. Turns out, I just locked him in a room. And now, he’s knocking."* +## Key Questions for Development +1. **Can they ever break free of the cycle?** +2. **What moment forces them to challenge their self-perception?** +3. **What happens when they fail in a way they can\u2019t ignore, but also can\u2019t catastrophize?** +4. **If they could see themselves as a child, what would they say to them?** +5. **What would happen if someone saw through their composed exterior and truly confronted them?** +6. **What happens when they meet someone else who truly is narcissistic?** + +--- + +## Character Arc Possibilities +- **Redemption?** They learn to forgive themselves\u2014not to excuse the past, but to move forward. +- **Destruction?** They lean further into self-sabotage, unable to break the cycle. +- **Breaking the Binary?** They realize self-worth isn\u2019t about hating or loving themselves, but accepting imperfection. +- **Breaking the Stigma?** They finally recognize that self-hatred is not self-improvement. + +--- + +### **Final Thought** +*"If I keep treating myself like a monster, I\u2019ll never stop acting like one."*